Life can, at times, seem like a high-wire act. Each of us is up in the air doing our own thing when wham, something happens that knocks us off balance. We are passed over for a promotion, our child is diagnosed with leukemia, the basement floods, our partner is in a terrible automobile accident.
In the inevitable fall that follows, in the best of worlds, we land upon a web of connection. Connection with friends and family, but most importantly with our partner . It is what catches and cushions us in those unavoidable falls. Rituals of connection are simple patterns of engagement where for a few moments – or a few hours – we give one another our undivided attention. They occur consistently; we come to rely upon them. Like the ritual of reading our child a story at night, or a goodnight kiss. We come to rely upon these moments of connection to build a resilient relationship, impervious to the ups and downs.
Here are some examples
- Sitting together over a cup of coffee or tea in the morning
- An evening walk
- Making a meal together
- Snuggling in the morning or at night before falling asleep
- A text over lunch checking in
- A weekly date
- Sitting together over a meal
- Meditating together
- Making love in the morning
- Taking a bath
- A glass of wine or cup of tea in the evening
Susan Johnson in her book Hold Me Tight speaks about the importance of being accessible, responsive to and engaged with our spouses. This is the heart of a strong, vibrant attachment.
Life will toss us around: that’s a given. It is considerably easier to wade through the vagaries of life with a trusted, attentive partner by your side.
By ritualizing time to be accessible, responsive and engaged, by cementing these moments into one’s daily routine, that vehicle for comfort is already in place when we need it the most.